南野 秀一, Minamino Shūichi / 蔵くら馬ま Kurama (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinningtree) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
sinningtree) wrote in genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
Kurahi Catch-All: Unspoken Thing
Unspoken Thing
The hardest thing about life is
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
how odd it is
to be
by someone that is still alive
Date※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Chronologically
※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Pending
※ MM/DD/YY Kissing Scars: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Eating Together: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Swear To Me: ⋙ Timeline
Blank
no subject
For the first time since they had met again, after Kurama's death and revival, he hadn't come out here with the intention to do anything other than maybe attempt at casual chit-chat. Instead, he seems to be tripping over landmine after landmine, despite how little he had expected to do so by simply offering jewelry. Kurama's tension is at least understandable, in his eyes, after what he's said about the Jagan. He did not typically use the evil eye for such an application, despite what its reputation may be, simply because he does not like the idea of invading other's minds and their memories in such a way.
As incredibly private as Hiei preferred to be, treating others as though they did not want the same didn't seem prudent. Kurama in particular Hiei did not like to pry in to too much. The trust between them had been built and destroyed once, and though he was still not exactly willing to set it all aside as if nothing happened, the largest obstacle to them having any sort of relationship at all, friendly or more, lay in Hiei being able to trust that he was not here simply because of someone else's want. Koenma's in particular.
"Yes..." He pauses after the confirmation that he had (partially) come out here to tell him, hoping that the admission that he had done it to intentionally come 'clean' so to speak about a somewhat taboo would help. "But I... wasn't looking for a particular answer, just an answer." After all, he was looking to glean the truth, not prove something that he wanted to be true. After all, even knowing Kurama had returned only for him there is no guarantee that the fox wouldn't disappear again so far as Hiei was concerned. He was not, after all, any particular prize in his own eyes. The fire demon chooses to stay mum about what he has or has not seen for a little longer, perhaps his most intelligent move of this entire conversation thus far.
With that said, and more awkward feelings than anything lingering in his gut at what he perceives as Kurama being irritated at him.. Hiei is going to attempt to give him space, turning to head back toward the house.
"I should go and give these to Yukina."
no subject
While the fox was not thrilled by the idea of Hiei learning about anything else, he had no such reservations about his intentions. Kurama knows why he's there and the most direct and believable way for Hiei to trust that information was seeing it for himself.
His head tilts as the fire apparition continues, curious. “An answer as to whether or not I've been lying to you all this time.” Kurama didn't blame him, of course, Hiei was not stupid and the fox had never been the most subtle about his manipulation tactics.
If anything, he sounds amused. With his back turned, Hiei will miss the smile, but that doesn't stop the fox from continuing, acknowledging the out but offering the invitation to stay, instead. Subtle as it may be.
“They won't expire where they are, you know.”
no subject
"Yes.." It wouldn't be the first time that Kurama had twisted his words in one way or another in order to get him to comply. Of course, he'd become aware of those things over time, but it was hardly the time to bring it up by then. And in others.. well. He had willingly allowed it knowing that he wouldn't convince Kurama otherwise, nor would he win when it came to defying what Koenma or even Yusuke wanted from him at that time. These days it was obviously much different, whether any of them would admit it or not.
The amused tone in his voice stops his quick retreat, however, as confused as he is curious about where this entire conversation is headed. At the very least his assumption seems to have been wrong, or so he thinks at the moment.
Yes, he hadn't thought that Kurama would invite him to stay, but..
Hiei shifts, toward Kurama again this time, though he does not seem to know how to move things along from here. "It didn't seem like you wanted me to stay."
There. In the spirit of keeping things honest.
no subject
Green eyes shift away again, smirking faintly before he can find the words to respond, an attempted explanation.
“I was simply startled.” By his own oversensitive reaction, really - but he's not offering up that much, at least not yet. Kurama wants to move away from the topic of the jewelry, not double back to analyze it.
“You don't truly believe I would be upset by you confirming what I already knew to be true.” More of a question than a statement, despite the tone suggesting otherwise. The safer topic, despite what Hiei might think.
no subject
The fire demon takes a moment to try and riddle out why Kurama may be startled, a small frown crossing his face as he does so. His mind goes to the more obvious point, using the Jagan in a way he typically did not enjoy doing in order to figure out Kurama’s intention. Perhaps he’s thinking a bit too much on the basic end, but Hiei has never been particularly emotionally intelligent.
Lately, Hiei isn’t sure he knows much of anything. When it comes to Kurama, or whatever was going on between them now. What the fox wanted was clear, or at least why he had returned was, even if Hiei didn’t really understand what had caused the sudden change in what he intended to do. Of course he had his suspicions, but if Kurama had been willing to go through with death despite everything that preceded it..
“More that I looked in without asking …” If it had been anyone other than Kurama, or a very select field of others, this conversation wouldn’t have been happening, of course. He simply would have invaded, gotten what he wanted, and been done without further comment.
… Asking might have ruined it, so of course his thought process is clear, he thinks.
no subject
Kurama had purposefully made a point of never bringing up what he wanted. He spoke of his intentions, of Hiei's wants and how the fire apparition refused to allow himself to admit them - at least, not out loud. The fox had no plans to make any of this about his own interests, or to even discuss them, out of an abundance of caution. His preference wasn't the point, he'd taken what he'd wanted before and it had left them both miserable in the end, the only concern he had now was mending whatever there was left to repair between them.
Of course, if Hiei had taken a look, there was little he could do about whatever the fire apparition might have uncovered. About his motivation or anything leading up to it over the past fifty years. Still, it was his goal to be as transparent as possible, the Jagan shouldn't need to be used in that way ever again.
Hiei might never understand. The fact that Kurama had chosen death all those years ago and pursued his own selfish desires without consideration for the wants of others, he'd had plenty of time to think it over, reflect on that decision while witnessing the outcome of those actions. As far as he was concerned, he'd made the wrong choice and would do whatever he could to make up for that, now.
“Had you asked, do you truly suppose you would have been satisfied with the results?” Hiei was far too suspicious, if he felt the need to go so far as checking for himself. Getting permission would have allowed Kurama a chance to mislead him, which would have defeated the entire purpose and the fox is aware of that, himself. It was less of a question, more of an acknowledgement that this was the only way it could have been done. No sense being upset about it when it was the most direct way for Hiei to understand what he'd been saying right along, seeing it for himself.
no subject
"No." The answer is resolute and quick. Asking gave Kurama time to try and deceive the Jagan that, while perceptive and able to dive in further than even Hiei may want it to, could be fooled. He would leave it to a demon of Kurama's stature to do so as well, if he's honest. It takes skill of many kinds in order to become that old and powerful, even if Kurama was infuriating in all the ways he had learned to be after all of this time.
All of that aside, Hiei is still unsure just how much of the 'them' that once was would be rebuildable. As much as the younger fire demon craved attention, craved Kurama's gentle presence and touch in unwordly amounts.. Kurama is Kurama. Who knows what he may think he knows better about next and where it may lead them both separately and as a possible unit. Once bitten, twice shy or something like that.
"Still.. I don't know how to move forward.." Hiei has never been in this situation before, after all. He supposes he ought to kowtow to Kurama's experience, but that seems a bit too much like the same, which tended to set a dangerous precedent where they were concerned. "I never set out to be with you in the first place..."
Perhaps that's not all that surprising to Kurama, though.
no subject
Hiei continues speaking and the redhead waits him out. He doesn't really expect the fire apparition to know what he wants of things just yet, all Kurama had hoped was that he'd be open to something. They could figure out what that might amount to along the way, the same as they had before.
While the last thing said is no surprise to him, the other demon hadn't set out to be with him, the spirit fox had done the pursuing and knew it. Over years, with much patience and honestly more surprised by the eventual reward than he'd ever let on. Saying it now though, in this context, felt much more like a door closing, a decisive statement. He hadn't wanted any of this in the first place, but at least that meant it was a door Kurama had been prepared to find closed on his return.
The fox's tone is carefully neutral, refusing to acknowledge the hurt carving a hole in his chest with those words. While he means what he says, it feels hollow and empty despite his efforts, delivery almost a little too casual for the subject at hand.
“I realize... and I am not asking that of you.”
no subject
Maybe Hiei had come to Kurama’s company differently than most. Hell, he hadn’t even believed him at first when Kurama had told him who he was under his human disguise. Perhaps differently from others, too, Hiei had not intended on anything other than a working partnership with the spirit fox. As always, Hiei’s eyes had been firmly set on reclaiming the power he’d lost with the jagan surgery, on training himself in to the ground if that was what was needed.
Sure, “helping” Yusuke and Kuwabara on their assignments had somewhat gotten in the way of that goal. So had dithering occasionally in the human world to spend time in the redhead’s comfortable company, or in Yukina’s. But he had still accomplished it all, in the end, enough that he had been fine with dying right out from under them all in Mukuro’s training.
None of this Kurama knew, of course. That once Mukuro had forced him to live, it had been Kurama’s blatant affection, all of their collective insistence on involving him, that kept him in the Human World much less living.
“You’re lying.” Hiei asserts, hands returning to his pockets. For one it doesn’t align with Kurama pulling him in and kissing him, their thankfully interrupted amorous display from before. For two.. Kurama is too carefully without tone. He knows Kurama, after all of these years, as much as they both hate to admit just how intimately they know each other’s habits. For another… it suddenly clicks about Kurama’s reaction earlier to the jewelry. He had used to gift him all kinds of trinkets with the same casual motion, a sign of his fond affection for the fox over their years together.
As much as earning Kurama’s affection had never been his intention or focus, it is now something that Hiei dearly misses, much to his own chagrin at his weakness.
“I will never understand why you put so much effort toward me - I contented myself with that from the beginning.” A small pause, and somehow Hiei is still talking, though his tone says everything about the unsure footing he’s on putting these things to words.
“The same as I don’t understand why Mukuro forced me to live all those years ago other than her own curiosity.” And want for a companion who understood that level of suffering, he’s sure, but there are no doubt many demons in the woods that could provide that if that was what she needed or wanted. The demon woods lacked nothing in stories of suffering.
no subject
The accusation has him tensing again, starting to wonder if he shouldn't give up on this whole exchange. Maybe Hiei had been right to leave before digging himself any deeper and now here they stood, instead. Hiei should know better than anyone that he isn't lying, after what the fire demon just revealed. The kiss had been a misstep, a regression on their progress into friendlier territory, but that fragile moment of weakness had demonstrated without a doubt just what the fox was hoping for, he couldn't pretend otherwise if he wanted to. Still, Kurama got this far in life by being pragmatic, and his expectations have not changed since his arrival back on Earth, he hadn't returned with hopes of gaining anything for himself.
“If you used the Jagan, you must know I am not.” it was true that they knew each other too well, and that Hiei's accusation was more multifaceted than that was obvious enough, but the fire apparition continues before he can say more.
Even after all this time, it seems that Hiei doesn't understand him as much as he thought. Troubling after they'd spent a better part of a century together, but still not surprising considering how much of their relationship had hinged on their unspoken nature. Kurama doesn't even have a moment to process the news that even after all this time he still couldn't understand, when Hiei moves on to the next grenade launched into this conversation.
“Forced you-?” This, he had no context for. Why would he? Hiei went off to serve under Mukuro the same as he'd gone to deal with Yomi and no discussion had come of his time there. “What on Earth are you talking about?”
Of course, he doesn't know. Kurama lacks the context for when this happened, considering how much time he knows Hiei spent in Mukuro’s company after his departure, as well. From his end of things it was equally possible that Hiei had intended to die far more recently than before they'd even been involved with each other. The idea that it was so long ago and that the fox's affection was the tether keeping him invested in staying at all, back in those days, is not the immediate direction his thoughts go.
no subject
Other than Hiei's ability to put himself up shit's creek with his own stupidity, realizing self-worth is the other skill completely lost on him. Even with all of Kurama's effort and Yusuke Urameshi's faith in him, Hiei still struggled at the thought of it. He had always been a forbidden child meant to be done away with, never meant to survive or succeed. Perhaps he had internalized that a little too far in his early years with the bandits and after having been abandoned by them.
"When I arrived at Mukuro's..." Hiei pauses here again, seemingly struggling with himself. This had been his to bear for long enough, an event that had come and passed with little fanfare other than from demons who had hoped to be in his place that hadn't made it there. ".. I was placed in the basement so she could gauge my strength. 500 A class demons, in hoards, were sent at me before she decided to pit me against Shigure as my final test."
Hiei grits out that name even now, something in his mind set off by the doctor who had put him through such a terrible surgery despite the fact that he had asked for it.
"To end it, I sacrificed my left arm -" Hiei moves to touch where there is a fine hair line scar, small and inobtrusive now that he divulges the injury that had caused it. "- And allowed myself close enough that the sword nearly bisected me so that I could make the hit I needed."
He feels he doesn't need to explain any further, that his injuries had not been survivable without outside assistance. "I was content to end there, but Mukuro was not. Only with the help of her tanks Shigure and I made it to fight at the King's Tournament."
He wouldn't go into the rest of it. The things revealed between the two of them of their mutual suffering was perhaps a step too far. To share Mukuro's part, at least, was not his place. It doesn't feel entirely right to reveal this to Kurama now, years after the fact but.. even Hiei is beginning to realize that it is the things that went unsaid that left them where they are now, in part.
"Does that answer your question?" He's genuinely trying not to sound begrudging.
no subject
Kurama's struggle right now is with the fact that he'd clearly, in all those decades, failed to do the one thing he'd set out to, in his relationship with Hiei. It was true that he hadn't ever wanted it, and if his complaints were to be believed, hadn't come to appreciate it with time, as the fox had hoped. That means he has to do things differently going forward, even if it puts some distance between them in the interim.
He's watching the fire apparition intently as he continues, reminded vaguely of the similar test Yomi had set for him, but he doesn't have a chance to even begin to dwell on the obvious differences when the subject shifts to Shigure, instead. They both had their experiences with the surgeon, but Hiei's felt far more personal, the way he says the name nearly making Kurama forget their awkward fumbling moments before. It certainly puts the timeline into perspective, at least.
Green eyes fall on the familiar scar with the movement, idly wondering how many more the other demon must have by now, with the way he's been living. How many countless marks he has accumulated that the redhead couldn't know the origins of, even from before. Stories he'd never been told, injuries he wasn't present for. He doesn't answer right away, mulling over the situation before he trusts himself to speak again, cautiously.
“It brings up several others, actually.”
As much as he barely reacts to that story, the fox turns it over in his mind, trying to make sense of things, now a whole century later and so far removed from their lives in the present. So much had happened since then, so much time has passed without his awareness that any of this went down. His fight with Shigure was not so easily forgotten as countless others over the decades in those tournaments, and yet this new context only tangled the situation more in his mind.
That aside, there was also the matter of Mukuro, and why she'd go to such lengths only to revive them both. At least, Hiei's continued loyalty to her supplied some insight into what she'd gained from the decision.
“I anticipated having more done by now. I haven't even been to the clearing yet.” The spirit fox looks over his abandoned project, with scrutiny before glancing back to Hiei. This wasn't getting finished, that much was certain.
“Care to join me?”
no subject
He may have been so lucky as to appreciate his time spent with the fox if he hadn’t had such a short span (in the demon sense of things) without some kind of worrying about the redhead’s aging. His physical appearance Hiei couldn’t care less about - it wasn’t only Kurama’s outer appearance, human or demon, that he valued after all. But as his human body began to fail him with all the creaks and pains that came along with it, so deepened Hiei’s anxiety about his partner. Enough that he had put aside his progress in demon world to watch over him himself, wordlessly dismissing the fox’s insistence that he ought to go and move on.
In retrospect it stung somehow worse for Kurama to push him to be away long before he was actually gone.
All of it aside, pushed back as “passed” in the typical demon way, is now the reason Hiei has the gall to sigh as Kurama says it brings up more questions, in fact. Stirring up all of this may not have any effect other than making Kurama curious, and while he had done this to himself… sharing his personal struggles or brushes with death has never been Hiei’s forte. He has usually been quite adept at picking himself up and brushing off from cruelty or near death, only to find that losing his source of softness had crippled him in a way he couldn’t have anticipated.
It doesn’t occur to Hiei that his story about Shigure may shift Kurama’s feelings about his fight with him - another thing they’ve never outright spoken about. His assumption is that this news won’t change anything, that Kurama is wondering why he’s telling him at all. Even Hiei is unsure what has spurred him to say this much.
At the very least the redhead doesn’t launch in to a list of questions about what he’s just said right away, though the invitation earns him a long, suspicious glance. Not all that long ago Hiei had been unsure Kurama wanted him within his orbit at all, and now..
Now he nods, gesturing for Kurama to lead the way. What harm could it do that hadn’t already been done before to follow him to the clearing of demon world plants?
“We may want to bring something for the carnivorous ones, in case they’ve been unlucky lately.”
no subject
Of course, Kurama was blind to the fact that Hiei's increasing presence in human world over the last few decades was not by choice. That his steadily declining health kept the fire apparition essentially trapped in his own anxiety as he fussed over the fox, instead. He'd truly thought Hiei had adapted to being there as part of the family, even though he knew there was at least a part of him that would have preferred to be home. The idea that it was his care that kept him glued to the Temple in a realm he'd rather not be would only serve as a new source of guilt for his previous actions.
He had tried at first, to reassure the fire demon and urge him to go back. That he didn't need to be here full time, especially if it was only for Kurama's sake. He had also tried over the years to encourage Hiei to get out more, even if only physically because the older he was, the harder it would be for him to keep up with their previous habits. Context he was sure could only make sense to the fire apparition in hindsight. After all, he'd never seen a human grow old and pass in short order before.
For all the times that Kurama had promised the rest of his life to Hiei, they had never really talked about it in any clarifying way. There had been no label or title, promises of monogamy, just his presence. The notion that he would always be there, whenever Hiei returned from demon world (barring what time he also spent there) no matter what. The details of what happened outside of when they were together had never been a concern, at least not to the fox. They certainly hadn't been discussed previously. Hiei would never understand, it was all in an effort to prepare him, protect his feelings from what was to come.
For now, Kurama stays quiet. Focused more on his current goal than Hiei's past. Curious was not the word he'd use here. The fire demon never really seemed to grasp that anyone might feel another way about him though, concern, grief. Anything of meaning. While the spirit fox was skilled at not letting things said in anger get under his skin, it was the more casual deliveries that slipped through his defenses. Things not said with the intentional goal of harm, but simply because they were the truth. Honesty unrelenting like barbed wire.
The fox hums at that response once Hiei is done staring him down suspiciously, he turns as directed, starting towards the forest before bothering to reply.
“Anything that survived over fifty years without assistance certainly doesn't need anyone else's help now.” Perhaps that was the concern, but Kurama wasn't worried about it, either way.
no subject
"Mn." The agreement is easy, but the fox knows as well as Hiei does that the fire demon has always been partial to their carnivorous plants from the Demon World. Of course he would, considering his own tastes for bloodshed and the like. He hadn't exactly stopped by to feed them, the memory of their time there still too fresh even when he'd been at the compound. Too often he'd spent his time where the children had been otherwise distracted or asleep in some space that had once been 'theirs.' A garden, the room that had, in the end, been Kurama's but was more often than not across the years shared between them.
Eventually, bathing in his own lack of deserving had grown old, even for Hiei. Of course, he should have expected that in the end, it would be him alone, again. The self-fulfilling prophecy of never having deserved that type of affection in the first place, and removing himself before he could possibly take another hit, had been all too easy to achieve. A better way to assuage his own yet again building anxiety of waiting for another shoe to fall, of Yusuke or Yukina deciding that he was indeed everything that Kurama had fought not to make him, and then to actively prove it.
At the very least the walk to their old spot is not interrupted by Hiei further dumping information onto Kurama's lap, probably much to the fox's relief. Instead, he simply reaches up to greet a plant as it come down to him, gently patting it on its large, budding head like a proud father.
"I would have been surprised, if you hadn't still been here."
no subject
Still, his focus is not the forest or the plants that Hiei's concerned about. It is the lack of deserving the fire apparition is struggling with, clearly to this day. His own frustration that nothing he'd done in nearly a century together had helped and - if anything - may have actually made the situation worse. Not that this was about him.
He glances back as Hiei pauses to greet one of them, smirking faintly. “Don't get too distracted, Hiei.” They weren't stopping here. Whether the fire demon follows right away or not, the fox continues on with a single focus, using his energy to part a clear path to his true destination, close enough to the Demon plants and Dark Forest to be concealed from unwanted guests, but separate all the same.
An otherwise empty field of flowers, most of which a fairly distinct variety of purple.
no subject
… Hiei… well. He favored the carnivorous plants over Kurama’s more mundane greenery, that much was for sure. It gave him a small piece of the Demon World while he was not there for long stretches of time, usually spending his hours immersed in Kurama’s company. Their little secret place at the edge of the woods where they could escape their ever growing extended family for a few quiet moments together, or boost the plant growth in a few amorous minutes if that was more the flavor of the moment.
Hiei spends a few moments with their now impressively large pet of sorts, happy to see that it was still thriving and wasn’t too miffed about his long departure. After all, this was another area where Hiei hardly wanted to spend time without the company of the Youko. It seems to have done better, comparatively, a hearty mix of flowers and plants that could withstand neglect and fend for themselves.
It takes Hiei a few minutes but he breaks away to follow the fox, still unsure about what this visit to their former spot will bring. He stays at length more out of habit than anything, observing the stretch of colors in front of him.
“Somehow this is still thriving.”
no subject
Kurama is patient and not inclined to rush him, barring the initial tease. It wasn't as if he'd get lost in such a short distance when he does decide to follow. Besides, if the idea was to bring a sense of calm, it only made sense to allow Hiei the experience he favored. Which, in this case, seemed to be catching up with one of his favored plants. He actually smiles at the fire apparition's words when he catches up, watching him curiously from where he stands.
The fox stretches, slow and lazy. Even if he didn't really need to, it felt nice after being crouched over and pulling weeds early in the morning. He doesn't bother trying to nudge Hiei into joining him, if he was going to, he would and if he was uncomfortable pushing him would do neither of them any good. For now, the redhead just lowers himself to sit in the grass, seemingly unbothered by how much taller the plant life around him had become in the meantime.
“Wildflowers don't truly need much assistance, if anything they do better without interference. When nature is disturbed, they are one of the first things to come back, thriving in the absence of whatever had been before.” Hiei does not care about plants, he realizes, but Kurama had been confident even before arriving that little had changed here with him gone. The predictability of nature was comforting in that way. Even if it does sound metaphorical in regards to his own death.
no subject
Hiei takes in Kurama’s casual body language, the way the fox settles himself in to the grass, both familiar and uneasy all at once. He can’t help himself - he had once implicitly trusted the redhead, but he could not shake the thought now of why Kurama had brought them here. Putting himself at enough distance to be able to move if need be is a small soothe, his frayed and worn nerves that are well over a century well worn at this point within reach of snapping.
If only the fox spirit’s return could have been easy. Smooth. Like sinking in to what they had once been like nothing had ever happened. It’s a far fetched thought, of course. Nothing could ever go smoothly here he was involved.
“If they do so well untouched you didn’t need to come back here to check on them.” Suspicious? A little. He wonders why they’re sequestered as such, now, eyes narrowing ever so slightly at his former partner.
“Are you going to enlighten me or make me wait?”
no subject
It wasn't as if he anticipated anything between them to be easy. Perhaps easier than it was proving to be, but he'd be lying to say the majority of the experience wasn't expected. Both in knowing that Hiei was hurt and would act accordingly, and his own inner conflict over perhaps deserving the majority of it.
The retort catches him by surprise, expression shifting with the confusion as he tries to puzzle out what exactly Hiei is even getting at with what seems to be accusation. As if he'd tricked him into coming out here.
“I never said I was checking on them.” He watches the fire apparition carefully as he speaks, head tilted just slightly. Kurama didn't want to admit he was frustrated by how little he'd accomplished in the garden, that he didn't want to continue standing there through whatever conversation this had become. He wasn't sure that Hiei couldn't somehow make that his own fault if he said as much out loud, either. If he said he'd needed a break, would the fire apparition assume it was from the conversation itself?
The redhead glances away, as if peripheral movement caught his attention, before adding the rest. “You could have declined the invitation.”
no subject
Hiei is still lost when it comes to Kurama's intention to allow him to do as he pleased. He still, almost damnably, believes that the fox will do as he wishes to, will at least attempt to bend things in the way that he now very clearly knows that he wants after that kiss a few days earlier. Allowing him all of this choice, all of this ability to decide where they do or do not go is a double-sided coin - Hiei knows what his heart wants, but he is also well aware of what his mind is saying in the aftermath of everything before. The resulting war between the wants of his mind and the wants of his heart leaves Hiei in constant flux, unsure from one moment to the next of what it is, exactly, he is working toward.
The fire demon's eyes roll as Kurama says that he hadn't said they were checking on them. What was the point in coming here otherwise? Of course Hiei did not see something like gardening as relaxing. Hell, he hadn't known anything other than constant anxiety and indecision for coming on a century now. The idea of sitting down and being able to relax in Kurama's presence and forget the world again seems like an entirely new and almost unthinkable thing to be able to do.
And so he stands, at enough distance he feels secure, arms crossed over his chest in clear 'do not touch me' body language.
He could have denied the invitation. That much he cannot even slightly deny - but then his intention of at least spending some time with the fox was for naught. And... well. He hadn't come out there this morning with the intention of making a mess of things, for once. After a moment of pause, debating how to respond, Hiei decides to simply go with the most straightforward explanation. That seems to have been working to his advantage, so far, when he wasn't unintentionally being hurtful.
"I haven't been back here, even once, since." He avoids saying since Kurama had died - he thinks that they do not need the repetition of the fact. Abandoning a place that had been only theirs like this was a simple decision, in the long and short of it. It had been easier to linger in their once shared room, to eventually leave it once Kurama's scent had faded, than to face down this place in particular.
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Allowing him all of this choice was a deliberate and calculated maneuver he was hoping to see pay off in the end. For now, he waits. He's already resigned himself to the reality that Hiei may never trust him again, and should that be the case, he would simply have to accept supporting him in any way that he could. It wasn't as if the fire demon didn't want him around, that much was certain, the question was more about what capacity he was going to allow. Where they would go from here.
Kurama observes Hiei's posture, not surprised in the least by the shift to guarded, defensive. This had thrown him for a loop, which perhaps should have been expected. He resists the urge to sigh at the fire apparition's apparent perception of his motives, but doesn't comment. Of course, he's not expecting Hiei to find being there relaxing by virtue of standing around in nature alone. Enough time surrounded by the specific plants that grew here - the more potent demonic varieties in particular - would have an impact, though. That much he knew.
Green eyes shift up curiously, lips quirking into a faint smile with the admission. The fox leans back, palms against the ground behind him for support, speaking from his own experience.
“Since our last venture out here together.”
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In the time spent away, Hiei has had time to forget about the plant varieties in this little clearing and their effects. Far more likely is he's stuffed down every bit of memory about this place that could prove painful over time to save himself, an ability that he's mastered time and time again. If he hadn't stuffed things down and moved on from the ice village or his first demon 'family' he may never have come out of the demon woods to meet Kurama or, eventually, Yusuke and Kuwabara.
As begrudging as he had been about nearly that entire episode of his life.. a part of him now misses it. Rowdy 'family' gatherings at Genkais, the quiet, hungover mornings that followed until most were too old to want to participate anymore. And here..
Their last venture out here had been so long ago, and so.. stressful, now that he thinks about it. Hiei stays quiet at the reminder, staring out at nothing as a frown finds its way to settle over his expression that wasn't his basic scowl. A wash of memory comes over him in an all too familiar fashion, the concern for his ailing partner's change in blood pressure that had led to his assertion that they could no longer come back here. It occurs to him, after a moment, that Kurama can see him, and soon the fire demon is taking a note from his partner's playbook and turning as if he's spotted something in the woods to the side as an excuse to turn away.
For lack of anything else to say, Hiei lamely offers an observation. "At least this stayed green."
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The redhead's own expression drops to a frown when he sees Hiei's reaction. The fire apparition had handled the situation in short order, in reality probably saving his life at the time. Of course, after something that traumatic, the fox had no intention of risking something similar again, and easily complied with the demand they not return. That had been then, things were much different now. Still, it was obvious that the fire demon was unsettled by the reminder, even if Kurama hadn't been able to predict as much. He had simply assumed the incident couldn't have slipped Hiei's mind when extending the invitation.
For the moment, he doesn't respond, sitting up more and resting his arm on an upturned knee, instead. He can't say any of the things that occur to him in that moment. It was clear that the topic is uncomfortable, even if the conversation makes him realize just how lucky he'd been. Acknowledging it now was pointless, with their track record lately it might only start another conflict and more tension is the last thing he wants between them.
He debates before responding cautiously, nowhere near any of the things he wishes he could say. Hiei remains too far away for him to do anything even if he wanted to, which he realizes is the point. “You know they won't bite if you take a seat.”
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The silence between them used to be comfortable. Hiei remembers it like a warm blanket on a cold night, being able to sit in silence and not have the stretch of it feel heavier by the second. And yet this is how it stands, now, the fire demon very carefully holding himself just far enough away to be out of reach; attempting to hide the tumble of uncomfortable feelings by turning away. It was useless in front of Kurama, even after all of these years, and yet he still tried.
For both of their sakes, really. For Hiei’s pride as much as keeping this incredibly tenuous middle ground they meet on free from even more heavy feelings and possible subjects to fight about.
The fire demon turns slightly as Kurama speaks, quite literally turning his head just enough to indicate he was listening. His eyes simultaneously fall toward the ground and the flowers littered there. No, they wouldn’t bite. Not literally, though they could take some of the bite out of the memory echoing in his mind’s eye right now.
Hiei settles stiffly, curled and tense around his knees when he finally comes to rest. He angles himself so that Kurama is visible from the corner of his eye, instinctively keeping the other where he can see him. The trees above stretch taller as he comes to rest in the ground, grateful for the view as a distraction. It’s easier when he isn’t staring the subject of his heartache in the face for minutes at a time. His chest doesn’t feel so tight, anxiety refreshed anew for many different reasons.
For the moment he focuses on breathing. Slowly, recentering himself as he takes measured breaths and reminds himself that this was different. They are meeting here again under egregiously different circumstances.
“With you, anything can bite.” And he is not just referring to plants.
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