南野 秀一, Minamino Shūichi / 蔵くら馬ま Kurama (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinningtree) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
sinningtree) wrote in genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
Kurahi Catch-All: Unspoken Thing
Unspoken Thing
The hardest thing about life is
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
how odd it is
to be
by someone that is still alive
Date※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Chronologically
※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Pending
※ MM/DD/YY Kissing Scars: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Eating Together: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Swear To Me: ⋙ Timeline
Blank
no subject
Hiei makes a hmph as Kurama says his circumstances were unpredictable. As it were, where they stand here and now, he still thinks that Kurama shouldn't have pushed his presence on him until he had finally accepted his advances. How long had it taken before he finally gave him and allowed the fox things like affection and his time? And after that... they hadn't exactly been afforded very much time.
Particularly in the sense of demons and their lifespans.
"You dismissed me." They were on a roll with truths, so why not just continue to deliver his frustrations? The things he hadn't bothered to bring up because Kurama would have some all too casual explanation for it instead of actually addressing it. "If I brought up a concern, if I tried to bring up the possibility of staying, you were oh so casual about tossing it away instead of addressing whatever I had to say."
A pause, and a sigh. "I gave up."
Even Hiei had his breaking points it would seem - he hadn't accepted anything, but he had learned that attempting to change Kurama's mind was much like slamming his head against a wall. But if that was what Kurama would give him... it was obvious what his choice had been. Staying because of his affection for Kurama and his own sense of duty had been the easy choice that felt less like abandoning him.
"You thought I would find someone else." It's an accusation more than a question, and Hiei sounds less than pleased at the thought of it, at that.
no subject
“I'd hoped, perhaps, with some time...” another slow breath, head tilting towards the fire apparition once more. “While it had occurred to me that I'd done more harm than good, by then it was already too late to make a difference.” Hiei wouldn't leave him, and Kurama wasn't backing down in his own conviction even if he could have. The fox didn't think he would go out and find someone else, not so quickly anyway, but perhaps with encouragement he may at least be open to it.
“I should have considered what you were going through before it got to that point, I realize that now... far too late. In the moment, I thought something might change in my absence-” Fifty years had taught him otherwise, and he's glancing up again, determined to get through to his next point and unable to keep his gaze steady throughout the rest of it, eyes darting from his former partner to the scenery with uncharacteristic unease while he continues.
“As I said, it was selfish of me and that is my regret to live with. The truth is, you gave me every reason to stay, it was my decision not to, but you deserved better than that.” Even if death was inevitable for him, he knew now that Koenma would have brought him back if he'd simply said the word. He'd wanted to the whole time, after all.
“It was never on you to be enough. I am the one responsible for this, I can not change the fact that I didn't stay before, but I can be here now, in whatever capacity that may entail going forward.”
no subject
In a way, Hiei is tempted to reiterate what he's said before. He hadn't even been looking for a relationship with Kurama - what made him think he would be looking for something with someone else after him? But repeating himself did not change the point, nor would it change anything about what had happened, now. They could not go back in time and change how things had happened between them, and yet knowing as much did not stop Hiei from seething about it all. There had been many years that he could have utilized to move on, of course, and yet it still found him here, frowning as Kurama speaks, but very carefully not interrupting what the redhead had to say.
Kurama's uneasy body language, looking at him and then away, says enough. He is uncomfortable with the conversation, and even though it shouldn't, Hiei is ever so slightly enjoying watching the fox squirm a bit. He had spent long enough twisted up and unsure of what the hell to do about any of it on his own, to have it be Kurama's turn was more than enough for him.
Silence stretches between them as Kurama finishes, Hiei both allowing his partner time to speak again if he wants to as much as simply rolling it over in his mind, thinking about how he wants to reply.
"I don't know in what capacity I want you around, yet." Yes, even now he can feel the tug of war between his head and his heart, the attention and affection he wants versus his mind's reminders of what happened when he allowed the fox in before. Learning to trust him in the first place, beyond in a fight, had been a struggle.
"I don't know that I can trust you in the same way as before, now."
no subject
He's maybe not uncomfortable in the way Hiei thinks. The fox has struggled with his guilt on this right along, but to actually be in a position to express it- that was different. While he's not uncertain, Kurama is hesitant to add more conflict to Hiei's built up resentment, to pile on or suggest any expectations with his words now. He'd keep his gaze averted except for the fact that he’s checking on the fire apparition as he speaks, tentatively testing how far he's allowed to go before being shut down.
Imagine his surprise when he's not interrupted at all, the silence hanging between them once he's finished with what he had to say. When Hiei does respond it isn't anything he wasn't expecting. Kurama turns onto his side once more, no longer watching the fire apparition carefully for every hint of a reaction. When Hiei speaks he thinks he's heard this before and knows where it's going.
“My answer hasn't changed. I don't expect you to, and I am not asking you for anything. I will be here regardless, whatever you decide.”
no subject
Of course, Kurama knows of the damage caused, now. Not only to the demon world and everything else that Hiei is sure he knows about, one way or another, even if they've never spoken bluntly about it. The Jagan had revealed a few details that he had not fully intended to see from Kurama's mind, and he had no intention to reveal as much prior to the fox speaking about it, not wanting to cause any damage between them that was newly inflicted that, perhaps, did not have to be in the moment.
Still.. as things stood.. he has to ask.
"And if I decide I do not want you with me at all?" Hiei doesn't expect that Kurama doesn't have a plan for that as well. He knows the Youko too well to think that he hasn't planned for every possible chance at something.
no subject
He wasn't likely to speak on a lot of it, as far as he's concerned most of those details made little difference. His motives remained selfish in that way, it had never been about saving anyone from Hiei, and he'd refused to budge when that seemed to be the only reason he was expected to return. The fox had shared the information he considered relevant, and he wasn't about to bring up anything that might cause more conflict between them, at least not from his current position.
There is no immediate reaction to Hiei's question, almost as if he'd fallen asleep there with his back to the fire apparition. “The compound was left to all of us, I will not be leaving, if that's what you are asking. It certainly isn't my intention to interfere with the time you spend with Yukina and the children. As I've said before, if my being here is an issue for you, we will have to work something out.”
no subject
"Mn." Hiei briefly acknowledges that he understands - or at the very least that he is listening to what the fox has to say. Far be it for Hiei to push Kurama out of the only home that he has, now, to save himself some mental anguish about it all. Besides all that, he was sure Yukina would give him hell about it even if he tried, which was a one-way ticket to a conflict he did not want to begin. His only family now was Yukina and the children, and there wasn't a chance he wanted to drive a wedge between them over Kurama. There has been more than enough brought up in their past few conversations to achieve that as it stands.
"It's good that someone will be with Yukina more often than I can be." His way of saying that if that is where Kurama would like to remain, he wasn't going to fight him on it. The children would surely like having someone else at the compound too, especially someone who had known him when they were all younger.
"I.. have Mukuro's, as well. If needed."
no subject
Green eyes shift in Hiei's direction at the last part, though he doesn't move. “With adequate notice, I can arrange a trip during your stays.” Not that he's expecting advance warning that Hiei might be coming, and realistically he could probably find somewhere else to be even on short notice, but it would be nice to have time to plan accordingly.
no subject
Hiei... huffs a laugh, as Kurama says with adequate notice. It shouldn't be so funny, of course, but here he is anyway, considering something like a schedule for his returns from the demon world. It wouldn't happen, of course - he never really knew when it may be possible to leave, or when he may be given something like permission to go anyway.
"There isn't a chance I will know when I have leave to come back next with enough time." And, at any rate... he didn't care. They may butt heads and bicker, but Kurama's presence gave him more than enough excuse to sleep well at night while he could. That, and, of course, the incessant chatter of his nieces and nephews if they were all at the compound at the time.
"It isn't worth it. We will simply have to figure it out. Just like every other time."
The two of them figuring things out and rolling with the punches wasn't anything close to new.
no subject
“Mm... True. I just thought you might like the option.”
Of course, he's also not thinking about the fact that his presence alone was enough to enable the fire apparition to get a restful sleep.