南野 秀一, Minamino Shūichi / 蔵くら馬ま Kurama (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinningtree) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
sinningtree) wrote in genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
Kurahi Catch-All: Unspoken Thing
Unspoken Thing
The hardest thing about life is
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
how odd it is
to be
by someone that is still alive
Date※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Chronologically
※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Pending
※ MM/DD/YY Kissing Scars: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Eating Together: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Swear To Me: ⋙ Timeline
Blank
no subject
Kurama works on extracting the ingredients into something a little more streamlined than brewing tea as Hiei rests. Expecting to have several hours of quiet before the tea wears off and using that opportunity to his advantage. A few hours later, satisfied with the results and aware of his dwindling time limit, the fox returns to the room before the fire demon wakes, only to find him once more shivering through his symptoms.
By the time Hiei stirs, Kurama has fallen asleep curled around him for warmth. It takes the fire apparition stirring and moving away to pull him to awareness, the sound of his name dragging him awake despite his own grogginess from having his sleep interrupted.
The fox shifts immediately, pushing himself upright and reaching for the pitcher nearby, pouring him a glass without question. Green eyes watch him carefully, despite seemingly half asleep still himself, knowing Hiei would never request help if he had any choice in the matter. Asking directly if he can take it himself might be a step too far, but he's certainly not going to just offer the glass over unless he's certain the fire demon has a secure ability to handle it on his own before letting go.
no subject
Despite all of Hiei's half-hearted complaints about Kurama sticking close despite all of his misgivings.. in this instance Hiei is very please Kurama is close by. He hasn't yet noticed that the redhead is wrapped on every bit of open skin that he can see, or the necklace around his neck, focused solely on the water that Kurama is pouring. It takes an embarrassing amount of effort to get up to something like sitting, as much as he would hate to admit as much, simply trying to breathe and push through it.
In a way, it feels as though he's just come out of the Jagan surgery all over again. Not exactly, of course, but close enough that it's frustrating all the same.
Frustrating, but manageable for the moment. Just as long as Kurama ignores the way his hand shakes ever so slightly as he reaches for the water glass that the fox still has. It nearly slips from his fingers before Hiei simply leans in and begins to drink, whether it's still half in Kurama's hand or not. He drinks possibly faster than he really should, breaking away only to pant in small breaths and try to gather himself.
"Fuck. This is almost like when I had the Jagan implanted."
no subject
Once Hiei backs off enough to speak, he lowers the glass with a frown. It was almost as if the goal was to drown himself.
“Easy-”
The part about the Jagan throws him, because he's aware how severe that recovery was. How weak Hiei had been even later, upon their first meeting. Comparing the two made it all seem that much more dire, that he'd even admit it outloud like this. Concern typically being met with irritation keeps him from commenting as much, instead glancing away long enough to set the glass down again.
“I can get more if you think you'll need it.” There was still plenty in the pitcher at least, so he wouldn't have to get up to refill it for a while. In this, unlike the surgery, at least he wasn't alone.
no subject
For once, Hiei is not complaining. Not about kurama’s closeness, not about his help in holding and tipping the glass, not even about his fussing as he tries to catch his breath. For lack of understanding about just how to deal with being ill like this, Hiei’s instincts click in to over drive. He’s thirsty, so drink as if his life depends on it.
Now he has to catch his breath, panting lightly as he eventually settles back on to his back on the futon.
“At least it doesn’t feel like my skull is being split, this time.” Small victories, it would seem, but Hiei will take whatever it is that he can get in the moment. The rest of him feel weak and shaky, as if he’s pushed himself to the edge again and again without rest and has finally toppled over.
For a moment he considers his subtly shaking fingers with brows creased in concern, before Kurama’s talking pulls him away.
“I will probably need it…” He will concede that point at least, but then the demon blinks, seemingly actually seeing Kurama for the first time now that he isn’t hyper focused on hydrating.
“Why are you wrapped like that?” A pause, then -
“That isn’t all burns, is it?”
no subject
Unlike this. Which didn't have any sort of reward at the end for the level of suffering inflicted. He's still watching Hiei carefully as the fire demon examines his own condition with concern. While the fire demon says he'll need the water, he doesn't seem to be asking for it immediately, and before the spirit fox can clarify, red eyes are on him with scrutiny. Without waiting for a response, Hiei asks directly if he's burned, enabling Kurama to deflect in typical fashion.
“Precaution, mostly.” Mostly. “It seemed like the best option at the time, all things considered. No one else needed protection and wrapping you to contain the heat likely would have prolonged the fever...”
no subject
“In most ways, yes.” The Jagan was a powerful tool, that much he couldn’t really deny. Other than that though it could be a pain in the ass, and the energy sink otherwise along with the dragon is more than likely slowing down his recovery from whatever this is, too. The bone deep weariness was something he never thought he would experience again, but…
As always, life has a way of humbling him all over again.
Hiei is relieved, for a moment, as Kurama says that it’s mainly precautionary. Though he doesn’t remember Kurama carrying him in, or the injuries inflicted then, the thought that he may have burned the fox so extensively sets Hiei on edge.
The idea of wrapping him, however, certainly spurs a reaction. Hiei’s eyes widen for a moment before he schools himself back, turning his eyes away from Kurama to equally look elsewhere as he works through his reaction and hides as best he can. It was one thing if he was wrapping and warding the dragon himself, but being wrapped by others spurs a visceral panic that he can’t control.
“The heat retention would be a problem, depending on how hot I was getting ..”
no subject
Even if Hiei had burned him, Kurama wouldn't hold him at fault, and it wasn't as if he couldn't heal given time. He simply didn't have the resistance to fire damage everyone else did, which meant responding accordingly - with caution. If he could survive a death plant, he could handle a few burns.
Of course, the fox notices the way red eyes widen, the hint of what might be panic underlying that expression of shock. The fact that he follows it up with pointedly looking away being indication enough that he'd somehow struck a nerve. Back on edge.
“You certainly did a number on the grass-” Deflection was always something he was good at, moving on from whatever discomfort that was to tease a bit, instead. For now, at least. “Hina had to keep your temperature down just so I could safely get you inside.”
no subject
Kurama has always been good at soothing his rough edges when a nerve is accidentally struck, even to their detriment. His ability to simply change the subject and move on to something else is unmatched, the same as his ability to notice when he is reacting at all, when he manages to make things less obvious. This time he had failed at not making his reaction all that obvious, of course, but he's grateful for the change in subject.
Despite how Hiei lingered on the Jagan surgery when comparing his body's weakness, revisiting that time even in memory was not exactly a pleasant thought for him.
He's drawn out of his morbid thoughts as Kurama brings up Hina keeping him cooler, still frowning but at least turning to look at the redhead again. Hiei and Hina had grown very close in Kurama's time away, the fact that Hiei is the closest thing to a father figure (the poor thing) certainly helps as much as her close resemblance to her mother. Immediately he is more concerned that she is fussing about his condition than anything else, that he may have pushed her abilities to a limit beyond what she knew how to handle while he hadn't been conscious to stop it.
"She hasn't been up this entire time fussing, has she?" Hiei sighs even at the thought, as always unsure of how to handle someone else's concern about him and his health.
no subject
The deflection seems to work as intended, Hiei turning his attention to Hina's wellbeing, instead. The fox smiles faintly, “Her mother took over once she got home. I made sure she got to bed shortly after and I'm certain everyone is still sleeping now.”
As the fire apparition should be as well, he doesn't add. Yukina had retired to her own room when Kurama returned earlier, so he was assured she also got some decent rest, at least. Of course, given the option, the fox would be the one doing most of the fussing so the others don't need to worry, but it would only be a matter of time before someone else wanted to check in for themselves.
no subject
“Good.” Hiei wouldn’t stand for a few things, when it came to the children, and one of the bigger items was making sure that they weren’t taking care of him. He had never gotten to be a child, and so it seems important that these children get that. Even a little, despite everything going on in the world around them.
He's soothed to hear that she wasn’t still up and trying to fuss, taking after her mother. They may not know what the hell all of this was, or if he would even recover, but at the very least Hina and Kazuma weren’t at the door waiting on him.
Hiei sighs, tired and aching as if he’d been through quite the fight, but without any of the satisfaction of being done with one. And no useful healing factor, for the moment, either.
“Do you have any idea what this is?” He may as well ask, while they’re here together and he isn’t sleeping. If anyone would have an idea of what was going on with him, he trusted that it would be Kurama.
no subject
The fox freezes at the next question though, gaze lowering as he considers his answer carefully. While he had a theory, it was not anything he could confirm with certainty, and it was definitely not going to be an answer the fire apparition wanted to hear. “The cause is still unclear, I'm afraid. For now our best course of action is treating the symptoms with the hope you're body will handle the rest.”
no subject
“Kazuma is more sensible, when it comes to things like this.” What he means is that Hina is very much like her mother, and will give too much of herself without thinking. Of course this would not be a bad thing to most other people, but Hiei finds a way. As Yukina has gotten older, and they have spoken more, Hiei’s protectiveness has switched over to Hina.
Not to say that he wouldn’t protect all of them, if it came down to it, but still.
Kurama’s body language says it all. Hiei is already growling low in his throat in irritation as the fox elaborates, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes with a free hand. It’s unsuccessful, of course, as bone tired as he is, but Hiei would always expend the effort to try. Which is exactly why he is pressing his luck in short order with Kurama and his herb brewing abilities, other than his annoying habit of ignoring rest in general.
“There are no herbs to at least give me the energy to be up and on my feet for a period of time?”
no subject
Green eyes lift at the irritated growl, once again taking his time to respond. “We do have some options now-” After his diligent work overnight to see what he could come up with. “However, I must urge you to be cautious. You'll only prolong this if you don't allow yourself time to recover properly. Nights may not be enough on their own to fully recuperate if you do not take it easy during the day.”
So, while yes in theory he could function throughout the day, it might be the difference between getting through this as quickly and efficiently as possible or dragging it out much longer at half capacity, instead. Although Kurama isn't going to control his behavior, the fox will advise against the latter option for obvious reasons.
“Minimizing the strain on your body will get you back to normal in less time, I'm sure there is no shortage of things to get back to once you return to Demon World.”
no subject
"Elders as in who?" He knows you, Kurama. He know you too well to not know what the implication is and ask anyway, of course, but damn if he isn't at least going to try and be annoyed at the allegations leveled against him. Yes, he had maybe rubbed off on the children a little too much over the years, but.. it isn't entirely his fault.
Hiei's hand drops to the futon with a heavy sound, the annoyance coming off of him in obvious waves as he does so. Kurama is more than likely right, of course, as he tends to be, but... he is already so restless. The idea of staying in bed for who knows how many days practically makes him feel as though he's in some odd alternate dimension, experiencing no less than torture. Others might view something like this as a welcome vacation, a wide-open invitation to rest that wouldn't be extended to them otherwise - Hiei, of course, hates even the idea.
Kurama may as well have told him he was forced to go back to the island of his birth and live there until he was better.
"You seem to sure rest will solve it, for not being sure about what is going on." Suspicious? A little. If only because the two don't seem analogous upon further reflection. Hiei rubs his eyes again, blinking intently enough that it may betray that he is, already, fighting sleep. He's slept no more than a possible twenty-four hours and seems intent on fighting another round as much as he can possibly hope to.
"For all we know, the last thing I may do is sleep." Sarcasm around death is probably in poor taste but.. here he goes anyway.
no subject
While he can sympathize from his own experience, Kurama isn't going to risk bringing that fact up. After all, it was his choice to do so, despite the consequences, and the last thing either of them needed right now was another round of that particular conflict.
“I understand your frustration, but rest gives the body time to recover. You should know that better than anyone.” How many naps has he taken from exhausting his own resources in the middle of the action? Whatever he was going through right now, he'd responded to physically in the exact same way. Forced shut down. It was an oversimplification of the situation but a clear enough connection that it should make sense to Hiei in that context, at least to a degree the fox hopes will minimize argument.
Kurama takes note of the way he's struggling to remain awake despite his body's protest, and by now the tea should be wearing off, if not already due for another dose. Only confirming his suspicions that what the fire demon needs is rest, even as he continues to complain otherwise.
“Well, that's dramatic.” A pause, watching him carefully as he adds the following, “Can I get you anything?”
no subject
“Hmmm. If you say so.” No, he isn’t entirely convinced that there wasn’t some double meaning, here, but he is simply too tired to not let it go.
Beyond that, he’s already more irritated at the fox’s next point. The fire demon glowers at the fox as he goes on about his need to rest - of course he isn’t wrong, and Hiei has never been immune to running himself down until hibernation is the only route his body can take to recover.
“This isn’t the same thing.” He insists as much, of course, red eyes squinting at his former partner in the process. It makes sense, of course, but the fire demon isn’t necessarily ready to face up with the fact that he’s been running himself ragged for nearly a century and it’s finally caught up with him, either. “How is it that this is what’s happening when I haven’t been in battle, recently? It isn’t like watching the boy and Hina is so strenuous I would collapse under the weight of it.”
Hiei follows that argument with one of those too-long blinks, though his next move to stay awake is a bit more extreme than wiping his eyes. He moves to sit up, slowly but surely, attempting to make sure he stays awake in some format.
“It’s true, since you don’t know, supposedly.” Anything is possible with random shit in the demon world, after all.
“Entertainment.” A pause as Hiei fights himself again. “And a drink, I think.”
no subject
“You're right, it's not.” He'll agree to that much, at least. It was more complicated than having simply run himself to physical exhaustion. The fox watches as he pushes himself upright with a frown. Although he doesn't protest the move, not anticipating it to last very long, if he's honest.
Kurama doesn't respond right away to the insistence that it's true, eyebrow raising at the request for entertainment before glancing at the water pitcher again. After a pause, turning back to the fire apparition, caution returning to his tone. “Something besides water, I take it?” Before adding dryly. “Perhaps you're just looking for an excuse that will get me to leave.”
no subject
Hiei realizes that, by now, they are just running in circles. Him asserting this is more than what Kurama is saying, or perhaps something different, and Kurama's insistence on dodging confirming in one format or another. If they weren't in the precarious position that they were, Hiei would've by now said something in sarcastic jest to get Kurama to come out with it already. As they stand... he isn't sure he wants to put either of them in that position. The last thing he needed right now was another fight, no matter how small, when he wasn't really sure how all of this was going to turn out.
As much as the fire demon would rather that they both be able to be completely honest with one another, right now that is just not an option either of them seems capable of. This dance of circling one another and trying to artfully sidestep anything that may be a ticking time bomb that neither of them is necessarily aware of is tiring for however necessary it is.
"If I'm right then what is your assessment for what it is?" Well.. to be fair, Kurama had conceded that he was correct. He just needed to know what, exactly, the fox thought it was instead then. For science, and his own need to know as well. Even if he will more than likely dismiss him or have something no doubt smarmy to say in return for Kurama's concerned assessment.
Since Kurama's return it has been his prerogative to drive Kurama out, most of the time. He can't fault him for the assumption, however incorrect it may be in the moment, but he also knows why Kurama is making such a connection as well. "I am not going to sleep." It's no doubt incredibly unconvincing, even as Hiei sits there, holding himself up with one locked arm.
"Besides, I have the feeling I won't be alone without you or Yukina until I am fully recovered, so there's no use in saying it."
no subject
“You are right that this is not the same as needing to rest after a battle.” There hadn't been a battle so that seemed obvious enough to him. The redhead sighs, shifting his position again before adding with a hint of caution. “Your condition aligns with a stress response. Put simply, it's possible that you have finally been able to relax after carrying stress for so long, that your body is taking this opportunity to- demand rest.”
He doesn't elaborate that was why he was so insistent that Hiei resting was the only cure he really needed, assuming he could make that connection on his own.
“We will be monitoring your recovery.” No sense talking around that bit either. “The circumstances are quite unusual, there's nothing to gain from a lack of caution. Now,” Here his head tilts, glancing away with his trademark air of indifference with the serious part addressed directly. “Were you going to be more specific, or should I assume water and my company will suffice?”
no subject
Hiei listens to Kurama's elaboration on his theory, and the fact that he is already annoyed at the circumstances more than likely helps. There is no change of expression to track, except for maybe the deepening of the scowl on the fire demon's face as Kurama goes on. Of course, somewhere deep inside he knows what Kurama means - knows exactly what stress the fox may be alluding to even if he doesn't wish to acknowledge it.
All that lingers unsaid between the two of them, still, regarding their relationship before, Kurama's death, and their separation thereafter until they had been put together again is no doubt exactly what the fox is referring to. It makes some sense, he supposes - but it isn't a subject he wants to get into. Not now and possibly not ever, if he can evade it for that time without Kurama trying to pry it out of him in his own way. Eventually.
"I don't see where I've been given a chance to relax." If anything, he thinks he's been more stressed, lately. If he didn't ignore the whole.. mixed feelings about Kurama being back, and all. It is always Hiei's preference to simply move on and pretend these things don't exist, where he can. Particularly where it concerns his often twisted-up and confusing emotions that have only gotten worse with every conversation they have.
"You mean you're going to do everything you can to force me to rest." It's obvious, of course. Beyond that, Yukina is an even greater weapon to keep him in place. The children even worse. And in his state right now... there was no getting away or avoiding it. He's surrounded and outmanned in this fight and he's barely even forced himself off of the mattress.
Hiei pauses after Kurama's question, basically trying to find the best way to force down the bitter pill that he's trapped and there is no way, at the moment, to even put up a token fight. The fire demon eventually capitulates and lays himself back down, but not without a long-suffering sigh to go along with the motion.
"Fine. I'll stay here, for now, with you."
Water and Kurama's company it is.
no subject
“I am sure there are fewer life and death stakes here than in demon world, at least.” That much he can assume. The rest he can only really guess at, how being here instead of there might be influencing Hiei's emotional wellbeing and his own impact on that, on top of it all. The fire apparition had never really been comfortable in human world, to be spending so much time here voluntarily now was still unusual. As far as the fox is aware, he hadn't since before his passing decades ago.
“I’m not interested in forcing you to do anything.” He counters mildly, knowing Yukina might have other plans - there was more than one reason he'd chosen to take over Hiei's care where he could. Kurama is certain that the fire apparition's body will handle that much for him, with his track record, of course. Which is only supported by Hiei lying down and relenting, finally.
The fox would sigh with relief if not for the thing still bothering him, the idea that he's inadvertently trapped them both in this precarious situation. He wasn't going to tell him, but they would likely come back to it if he continued dodging, considering his explanations are repeatedly countered with increasing suspicion. He doesn't expect the revelation to go down well, almost certain Hiei will have some sharp retort at the ready, even despite his struggle to stay awake. “I am afraid, however, that perhaps- my return may be causing more harm than good. I hadn't considered-”
Here he stops, struggling momentarily with the wording, before continuing on, as if with a completely separate train of thought. “There's a chance that the shock of my unexpected absence... may have been harder on you than you've realized.”
Or be willing to admit, goes without saying. Projecting? Maybe. Still, if he wanted honesty, he's certainly getting it now.
no subject
Hiei is indeed spending more time in the human world again.. but he would never admit that it was due to anything other than his concern for Yukina or the children. It's only partially untrue - he did like to check in on her, knowing that she hadn't necessarily been thrilled, at first, with Kurama's renewed proximity. She is thankfully far more forgiving than her brother, though, and assures him every time that she is fine with the new arrangement and that the children haven't been overly concerned by the change in residence.
Hina, he hears, is quite taken with Kurama's company, and often quizzes him about things she hears from Kazuma about what they had been, once upon a time.
"Mmhm. Sure you aren't." Color him suspicious on this front. There wasn't much reason that he can see for Kurama to be available and right next to him upon waking other than making sure that he stayed on the futon and rested. Or at the very least that he isn't getting up and trying to wheedle his way out of bed when he shouldn't be.
Hiei's eyes are, slowly but surely, beginning to sag closed now that he is flat again, but he is putting up a valiant effort to avoid sleep. Occasionally he realizes and opens his eyes fully again, only to repeat the process.
The little demon frowns as Kurama explains his concern. Had he been more on his feet he would have no doubt scoffed, said something like Kurama was giving himself far too much credit about his own importance or something similar, simply to blow him off. Now, though, he takes a moment of thought before responding as he fights to stay awake.
"You would think I would have eventually gotten used to your absence." Instead, it had left a rift in him that was still there, that still taunts him when they are so close and yet so far like this. Bittersweet in the fact that he is happy to have Kurama back, but overwhelmingly aware that the fox hadn't wanted it, and still very much hurt to know without a doubt that Kurama had chosen death over his company.
He absolutely did not get used to the fox being gone. That goes without saying. Suddenly having him back, after all of this, though.. is confusing. He has never been very in touch with his feelings, far more adept at shoving them down or ignoring them to continue slogging through the mire that he knew as 'life' than processing or, heaven forbid, expressing them.
The curveball that comes from his mouth next he will blame purely on fighting sleep, the slightly delusional state that he is in with Kurama's concoction on board along with illness exhaustion.
"You shrugged me off when I said it years ago, but I meant it when I promised you my life in return."
no subject
The cynical retort doesn't surprise him, there's little he can do to convince Hiei otherwise if he refuses to believe him, so the spirit fox simply drops the matter - at least, for now. It wasn't likely that the true explanation would be any better received anyway. He could offer guidance and advice, he could certainly drug him into submission if he so chose, but sitting with him just to fight about it would get neither of them anywhere. His motives were more of a self interest, and the last thing he wanted to do was admit to that.
It was unfair of him to take advantage of Hiei's guard being down in such a way, when he was supposed to be here with the fire demon's best interests in mind, but the concern for his wellbeing was also a pressing matter at the moment. Guilt and the knowledge to help mix in such a way that he feels responsible for being there should Hiei need anything. He also wanted this to disrupt Yukina's life as little as possible, and being present with Hiei at all times meant that she didn't have to be. She'd check in and demand her own shifts, of course, but it was far more practical for him to handle the majority of it and give her time to run things as usual.
Kurama is well aware of the things Hiei would have said, has already supplied the response mentally without his verbal confirmation. Both because he knows him well enough by now to be aware of his particular brand of biting retort and- as self-important as he may be, the fox simply lacks the self worth to back it up. Despite all logic pointing in one direction, it was easy to wonder if he hadn't misread something along the way and find cause to doubt himself. The idea that he's truly not wanted is a thought that haunts him in his more uncertain moments even with the leeway Hiei continues to offer in their interactions.
The train of thought that follows throws him, if only because with the last part he'd been referring to the recent unexpected trip rather than the topic the fire apparition seems to focus on instead. Kurama shifts slightly, unsure where such a heavy topic might lead them and if Hiei would even last beyond his initial commentary. He is aware, at least, that it's a struggle to stay alert now. His presence is no easy relief and he hadn't expected it to be, had not anticipated to be welcomed back with open arms - more likely turned away upon arrival as he very nearly was, actually.
“Grief is never predictable and hardly linear.” He understood that more than anyone with his losses, the many, the few but more profound, especially in recent years. Still, the last thing said leaves him almost restless and he holds himself very pointedly still as he continues. “While that may be so, you must understand that my intention was not to reinstate any prior commitment. As you said before, the obligation is no longer yours.”
no subject
Later, Hiei might be able to think to complain about Kurama's presence while he had been down and out, so to speak, in the form of a complaint. Right now, with Yukina already busy enough with what she needed to do to keep this place afloat and the children, he must begrudgingly accept that Kurama is helping. Whatever his reasoning was at the moment wasn't important when thrown up against everything else going on around them, at the moment. Allowing Kurama to help would provide them both with a certain sense of peace, whether he liked it or not.
It was also valid, in his mind, to ignore this little episode moving forward if it so pleased him to do so.
Hiei's eyes focus down toward the foot of the futon as Kurama speaks and he tries to stay awake, hoping that fixating his eyes and attempting to focus may help with remaining awake. Focus is usually such a specialty of his, but here and now he is struggling in a very real way to keep his eyes open. More than he will give way and tell Kurama, of course, as he is stubbornly fighting it as much as possible.
Kurama speaks and Hiei's eyes slowly close, the silence that follows possibly projecting that he had, maybe, fallen off to sleep on them both for a moment. He hasn't, though, as even though his eyes stay shut he continues on with a slightly disjointed train of thought, ruminating around the subject of death and mourning as he is.
"Do you remember when we talked a little while ago, at the garden? When I told you about the source of this scar?" Hiei's finger moves over the ever-so-slightly raised, hairline scar on his forearm where it had been reattached years before. His brows furrow for a moment as he swallows, as if concentrating his efforts to stay awake and on track before he continues on.
"When I said that it was not my intention to be with you, it was because I was fine with that being the end. Yukina is safe here, I had accomplished what I had set out to, and the rest of you were strong enough that my absence would not have been a blow." At least in his mind, it wouldn't have. He imagined they wouldn't have even really noticed until they had arrived at the tournament and Hiei had been surreptitiously missing from the proceedings.
"But then there was the tournament, and everything to do with being Mukuro's second, and you." Kurama, weedling past his every defense, testing his boundaries with infuriating frequency until he had broken down and accepted his affection, gotten used to it, even. Though Kurama had often mentioned it, some part of him still did not expect the youko to follow through with the aches and pains of old age and death.
"And somehow even now she's managed to foil me until I can be fucking sick over it."
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Kurama tenses at the mention of the garden. It was not the most comfortable conversation, he certainly hadn't forgotten it in such a short time. The spirit fox had deflected in the moment, but it wasn't like the other apparition to persistently return to a topic unless he has a reason. He watches Hiei carefully as he explains, clearly intent on getting this out. For now, the redhead remains silent, listening to his words carefully with patience until he's said what he's set out to. Still, he grits his teeth at the suggestion that Hiei might have up and left them without anyone's notice. Stamping down the seething that flares in his chest at those words as the explanation continues on without pause.
He does his best not to interrupt, to let Hiei get whatever he needs out, but the last thing he's expecting is the curveball that the fire apparition ends on. As if all of this was somehow Mukuro’s fault. Which is, frankly, more than he is capable of absorbing at the moment. The redhead blinks, rolling these tidbits around in his mind in order to analyze where might be best to start, acutely aware that perhaps by the time he's settled on one, the fire demon may have finally fallen asleep after all, making any effort to respond, a rather pointless gesture.
The fox had never asked about Hiei's relationship with Mukuro, his life in demon world had been very much his own business - especially when Kurama was not present for it. In typical fashion, assuming Hiei would share if and when he was ready to. Apparently, that meant now, when the redhead expected him to be the least forthcoming with his feelings. He's having a hard time understanding how they got to this, which often seemed to be the case when Hiei finally decided to open up about something, even before everything that happened.
He was having a harder time navigating where to go from here. The first time Hiei had tried to talk to him about this, Kurama's own warring emotions and shock had dulled the sheer insult of it all. Now, he was running himself ragged for Hiei's health - not that he'd asked - and this was a coarse abrasion over already frayed nerves.
All those years the team had thought they'd overreacted to Hiei's supposed death, only spurred on by his own contempt for the very idea, as if nothing could kill him. When - if he was following correctly - someone already had, well before then. To find out now, over a century later, how close that had been to a reality for all of them, and that Hiei had kept it a secret all this time. All while arguing with the fox until his own death, for feeling the same exact way, although for much different reasons. Content to end on his own terms and certain the others would be fine without him.
It rankled him to hear about this now, as if it was still logical to the smaller demon despite how hard the team had taken even the possibility of his death when it had come up the first time. The funeral they'd held as if to force themselves to believe something that none of them had truly wanted to, or could reasonably allow for.
The idea that Hiei spent so much time arguing with him about his carefully planned death despite every precaution the fox had taken, particularly those to ease the transition for the others. All the while having been content to simply vanish on them, himself, in his own words. Without any consideration to the void of his own disappearance from their lives, and still sounded as if that was a fair enough assessment to make. Kurama has to unclench his teeth before he can even respond to any of it.
“I would hope that, by now, you understand a loss in- power... was hardly the blow we'd have been worried about.” While his tone had started neutral, almost concerned, the fox tripped up at power. Paired with the way Hiei had taken his own decision so personally, the entire thing felt like such a slap in the face he couldn't completely contain the offense, disdain in his tone at the mere thought of it.
“I don't suppose you would care to enlighten me why it was alright for you to assume we'd all be just fine without you. You seem… resentful that Mukuro kept you alive, even.”
Now here they were, Kurama still alive because of Hiei, parallels, in a sense. Something he might think of later when he's calmed down. For now, the hypocrisy settles in somewhere second to a retroactive panic of sorts. That Hiei was so satisfied to leave them all without warning, and for what? Because they didn't “need” him to survive?
It was infuriating.
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