南野 秀一, Minamino Shūichi / 蔵くら馬ま Kurama (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinningtree) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
sinningtree) wrote in genkaitemple2024-03-08 01:20 pm
Kurahi Catch-All: Unspoken Thing
Unspoken Thing
The hardest thing about life is
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
when the person who gave you the most memories
becomes a memory.
how odd it is
to be
by someone that is still alive
Date※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Chronologically
※ 01/27/24 Injured: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 01/29/24 Insomnia: ⋙ Dark Tournament
※ 02/11/24 Intimate Bathing: ⋙ Post Series
※ 02/25/24 Loss: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/06/24 Picnic: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/19/24 Defrosting: ⋙ Post Series
※ 08/22/24 Domestic Fluff: ⋙ Post Series
※ 03/04/24 Unspoken Thing: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 04/17/24 Garden: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 06/03/24 Kurama's Return: ⋙ Resurrection [completed]
※ 09/20/24 Sickness*: ⋙ Resurrection
Pending
※ MM/DD/YY Kissing Scars: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Eating Together: ⋙ Timeline
※ MM/DD/YY Swear To Me: ⋙ Timeline
Blank
no subject
“I am aware. As I said, the decision was made for you.” That is what started this whole conversation, wasn't it? Kurama being responsible for his well intended little manipulations ultimately making Hiei miserable, despite the demon's insistence that it was not that big of a deal. The fire apparition hadn't asked for any of this and yet here they are.
“You did not ask for my return and yet my conflict with Koenma became your problem, regardless. You have made it abundantly clear that you did not want me here, that you are not sure that will change...”
Here he pauses, seeming to struggle with what comes next, exhaling slowly before finishing the thought. This was not easy to admit for him, either. “If you had been involved perhaps things would have gone differently. Koenma may very well have understood the truth of the situation clearly, but I was incapable at the time.”
no subject
Hiei opens his mouth to speak, not that Kurama gives him much time to say anything. He closes his mouth with a little half hearted growl of annoyance.
Not that he’d had anything productive to say, anyway. Nothing that wouldn’t have caused even a little bit more strife to this already rife conversation.
Though as Kurama reiterates that he did not want him there… Hiei makes a point to correct Kurama’s wording. Even a little bit makes it different enough, he thinks. “I wanted you to have what you wanted.”
Which had been his quiet rest, not being here in the living world. Even if it felt as though he had lost what little direction he’d had with that loss… it was what it was. He couldn’t dream of stopping Kurama from whatever he wanted, couldn’t beg him either, apparently.
“Koenma wouldn’t care about my opinion. He always thinks he knows better.” And sometimes he is very correct, but Hiei was not going to admit that in the moment. He is too busy finding fault in the now leader of the spirit world. “You supply him with too many excuses.”
no subject
“What I mean to say is that he did know better. It occurred to me when I returned that you would not believe the truth if you heard it. That maybe you would not want to know, at all, so I did not tell you. Perhaps that was selfish of me...”
Everything about this was selfish of him, as far as he could tell.
“During my own fight with Shigure,” How this conversation started feels like ancient history by now, “I chose to embrace my life as a human. At the time, I had no way of knowing what that would entail, but I was prepared to accept it to be myself and who I truly was. Growing old was part of that, I made my peace with it and yes... even looked forward to it. I had grown tired of living for centuries and watching everyone around me die.”
Here he pauses again, clearly not finished but seeming almost reluctant to continue.
“I admit... that I became too stubborn to go back on that decision. It was what I wanted and I was convinced- that I was doing the right thing. You may see it as an excuse, perhaps, however, Koenma knew even before I had realized, myself- that I could not truly rest without regret.”
no subject
“You? Selfish?” The biting comment is sarcastic of course. They both tend to be their own brand of selfish - and as much as Hiei recognizes that, it doesn’t stop him from saying it now. Who knows if it’s just in their nature as demons, or what it is that makes them both so easily tipped when it is in their own self interest, but now is hardly the time to change it.
Of course Hiei had wanted Kurama to stay from the start. His own selfish want to keep the fox with him, as someone he trusted and had built a sort of quiet comfort with. As much as he would raise the subject and rail in his own way against his partner’s decision to die he also knew it was not his decision to make. That he owed Kurama peace, even if it was at the expense of his own.
An exceedingly bitter pill to swallow, of course. Particularly so when he’d forced it down with every calm denial of his requests for Kurama to stay.
The fox admitting that he had been wrong, that he had regretted his decision should feel satisfying, he thinks. It should feel like a victory, and instead it comes with the swirl of quite a few emotions. Part satisfaction but also a new swirling of grief and resentment all at the same time.
Hiei, almost predictably, cannot deal with them all at once. The fire demon sighs, quietly, almost imperceptibly, as he begins to roll over to put his back to Kurama.
“Good that you are already acquainted with regret, then.”