He glances away, dropping back to the ground and focusing green eyes overhead as Hiei explains. It's not until the last thing he says that Kurama speaks next.
“I'd hoped, perhaps, with some time...” another slow breath, head tilting towards the fire apparition once more. “While it had occurred to me that I'd done more harm than good, by then it was already too late to make a difference.” Hiei wouldn't leave him, and Kurama wasn't backing down in his own conviction even if he could have. The fox didn't think he would go out and find someone else, not so quickly anyway, but perhaps with encouragement he may at least be open to it.
“I should have considered what you were going through before it got to that point, I realize that now... far too late. In the moment, I thought something might change in my absence-” Fifty years had taught him otherwise, and he's glancing up again, determined to get through to his next point and unable to keep his gaze steady throughout the rest of it, eyes darting from his former partner to the scenery with uncharacteristic unease while he continues.
“As I said, it was selfish of me and that is my regret to live with. The truth is, you gave me every reason to stay, it was my decision not to, but you deserved better than that.” Even if death was inevitable for him, he knew now that Koenma would have brought him back if he'd simply said the word. He'd wanted to the whole time, after all.
“It was never on you to be enough. I am the one responsible for this, I can not change the fact that I didn't stay before, but I can be here now, in whatever capacity that may entail going forward.”
no subject
“I'd hoped, perhaps, with some time...” another slow breath, head tilting towards the fire apparition once more. “While it had occurred to me that I'd done more harm than good, by then it was already too late to make a difference.” Hiei wouldn't leave him, and Kurama wasn't backing down in his own conviction even if he could have. The fox didn't think he would go out and find someone else, not so quickly anyway, but perhaps with encouragement he may at least be open to it.
“I should have considered what you were going through before it got to that point, I realize that now... far too late. In the moment, I thought something might change in my absence-” Fifty years had taught him otherwise, and he's glancing up again, determined to get through to his next point and unable to keep his gaze steady throughout the rest of it, eyes darting from his former partner to the scenery with uncharacteristic unease while he continues.
“As I said, it was selfish of me and that is my regret to live with. The truth is, you gave me every reason to stay, it was my decision not to, but you deserved better than that.” Even if death was inevitable for him, he knew now that Koenma would have brought him back if he'd simply said the word. He'd wanted to the whole time, after all.
“It was never on you to be enough. I am the one responsible for this, I can not change the fact that I didn't stay before, but I can be here now, in whatever capacity that may entail going forward.”