"That's not what I'm referring to and you know it." The Jagan had shown him well and truly that Kurama indeed meant what he said. That he had returned for him, even if in his own mind it made no goddamn sense. To return for him, when he hadn't bothered to stay for him despite his many requests to that effect, seems backward. Incorrect, at the very least. But to assert that he was not after something, or asking something of him, after their last interaction is disingenuous at best. To Hiei's perception it borders on deceptive - after all, Kurama had been the one to initiate the kiss.
Other than Hiei's ability to put himself up shit's creek with his own stupidity, realizing self-worth is the other skill completely lost on him. Even with all of Kurama's effort and Yusuke Urameshi's faith in him, Hiei still struggled at the thought of it. He had always been a forbidden child meant to be done away with, never meant to survive or succeed. Perhaps he had internalized that a little too far in his early years with the bandits and after having been abandoned by them.
"When I arrived at Mukuro's..." Hiei pauses here again, seemingly struggling with himself. This had been his to bear for long enough, an event that had come and passed with little fanfare other than from demons who had hoped to be in his place that hadn't made it there. ".. I was placed in the basement so she could gauge my strength. 500 A class demons, in hoards, were sent at me before she decided to pit me against Shigure as my final test."
Hiei grits out that name even now, something in his mind set off by the doctor who had put him through such a terrible surgery despite the fact that he had asked for it.
"To end it, I sacrificed my left arm -" Hiei moves to touch where there is a fine hair line scar, small and inobtrusive now that he divulges the injury that had caused it. "- And allowed myself close enough that the sword nearly bisected me so that I could make the hit I needed."
He feels he doesn't need to explain any further, that his injuries had not been survivable without outside assistance. "I was content to end there, but Mukuro was not. Only with the help of her tanks Shigure and I made it to fight at the King's Tournament."
He wouldn't go into the rest of it. The things revealed between the two of them of their mutual suffering was perhaps a step too far. To share Mukuro's part, at least, was not his place. It doesn't feel entirely right to reveal this to Kurama now, years after the fact but.. even Hiei is beginning to realize that it is the things that went unsaid that left them where they are now, in part.
"Does that answer your question?" He's genuinely trying not to sound begrudging.
no subject
Other than Hiei's ability to put himself up shit's creek with his own stupidity, realizing self-worth is the other skill completely lost on him. Even with all of Kurama's effort and Yusuke Urameshi's faith in him, Hiei still struggled at the thought of it. He had always been a forbidden child meant to be done away with, never meant to survive or succeed. Perhaps he had internalized that a little too far in his early years with the bandits and after having been abandoned by them.
"When I arrived at Mukuro's..." Hiei pauses here again, seemingly struggling with himself. This had been his to bear for long enough, an event that had come and passed with little fanfare other than from demons who had hoped to be in his place that hadn't made it there. ".. I was placed in the basement so she could gauge my strength. 500 A class demons, in hoards, were sent at me before she decided to pit me against Shigure as my final test."
Hiei grits out that name even now, something in his mind set off by the doctor who had put him through such a terrible surgery despite the fact that he had asked for it.
"To end it, I sacrificed my left arm -" Hiei moves to touch where there is a fine hair line scar, small and inobtrusive now that he divulges the injury that had caused it. "- And allowed myself close enough that the sword nearly bisected me so that I could make the hit I needed."
He feels he doesn't need to explain any further, that his injuries had not been survivable without outside assistance. "I was content to end there, but Mukuro was not. Only with the help of her tanks Shigure and I made it to fight at the King's Tournament."
He wouldn't go into the rest of it. The things revealed between the two of them of their mutual suffering was perhaps a step too far. To share Mukuro's part, at least, was not his place. It doesn't feel entirely right to reveal this to Kurama now, years after the fact but.. even Hiei is beginning to realize that it is the things that went unsaid that left them where they are now, in part.
"Does that answer your question?" He's genuinely trying not to sound begrudging.